Is this going to be on one check?


I remember the days that when you went out to eat you had to make sure that you brought cash so that everyone could split the checks. This day and age with technology improving vastly since then, now everyone can pay their own amount on each individual credit card and they don’t have to carry cash.

These days, when we would go out to dinner with family or another couple or a bunch of people before they ask you what you want to drink the servers will always ask how the checks are going to split up.

Now, I have done a little research and I have asked other couples and friends what happens when they go out to eat and comes time for the check. I am not talking about when you are with a group of people, and I am not talking about when you’re out with your parents. I am talking about when you’re out, on a date with just you and your significant other, and here is the question…

When it is time for the check, does your server ask you if this will be on one check?

Most of our friends that are couples of the same race [example: white/white or asian/asian] have informed me that they are never asked. BUT the couples that are mixed [example: white/asian, white/black, older/younger] have informed me that they get asked if it will be on the same check.

This is something I only noticed recently and I think I only noticed recently because we have recently started eating out together more frequently, but I will say out of the last 10 times we have gone out to eat, we have been asked 7 times if this will be on one check.

I was a little disturbed by this only because we obviously come in holding hands, ask each other lovingly what they would like for appetizers and we obviously are a couple. Weddings rings and all. Some of the places we go to we go to regularly, so why are they asking us? When I finally noticed what was going on, I told my husband that I was going to ask the next person that asked us why they asked us that and maybe, just maybe I can get an answer.

Does this happen to you? What did you do in this situation? 

10 thoughts on “Is this going to be on one check?

  1. if jimmy and branny were eating together, holding hands, and joking around lovingly – i wonder if they would be asked the same question?

  2. Interesting. You’re right, my husband and I never get asked.
    Then again, I also rarely get asked even when I’m out with a group of female friends, so… maybe part of it is regional? Not to dismiss the racial element here – I mean, I think that’s clearly there. Just saying I rarely get asked that around here regardless of group composition.

  3. Interesting post. I think that’s a totally valid question and I actually wonder about how I’m viewed as a server now. I always ask because although its a simple process to split a check, to assume it’s on one and bring a check to a table when you’re busy to then find out that it’s incorrect, take it away, adjust it, then bring it back to the table split uses time and steps that can be put elsewhere. It’s my policy to ask everyone whether they are mixed, same sex, same race, same age, etc out of practicality and efficiency at my job. It never dawned on me this could be considered offensive because other servers don’t have the same policy. :-/

    • Sarah~ I love your perspective!! that’s awesome to know. Now see I would understand if you asked every single person, but I know that when they do not ask the white pair next to us and they ask us it’s weird. and thank you =)

      • Hah I’m so paranoid now! I haven’t spent much time in Tennessee but I can see it being a little different down there. Y’all should just move to Richmond and hang with us.

  4. Don’t go starting trouble in Tennessee, you Hawaiian!!

    Never happens to me. They just lay the check in front of my white husband 😀

  5. I NEVER saw the separate check thing until I left New York two years ago. I thought “how cool! what a concept!” I remember asking for separate checks in NY and receiving an annoyed response with eyes rolling because it would be “difficult”. I wonder how it is now? The check does usually go to Nate but I consider that to be more of a gender role thing than a racial thing. Be sure to report back on the response you get when you ask.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s