What is being a “Not Active” Racist?

Do you know what being a “Not Active” Racist is?

I didn’t know what this meant until just recently.  It was used to describe an incident that I had with a certain individual that is a racist, but apparently he is not an “active” racist. He does not speak his mind when he is in front of people that are not white, but he will speak trash and talk shit when they are not around. BTW do you know that this person is a government employee. Yeah, he is. 

So the back story. One of our friends was celebrating his birthday, so we were asked to meet with them for dinner at a restaurant. I knew nothing about this person. I was also told that he was racist, very racist. Well we got there, and I realize that he is very quiet and is not really responding to anything that I say. Now when you look at me, I am OBVIOUSLY Asian. When you hear me speak, I am OBVIOUSLY from “the North” or a Yankee as they would call me. Also you will know that I do not care to speak my mind or speak in hushed tones either. Regardless, after this meeting, I asked the friend if he doesn’t like me because I am Asian. And he said no and that it was just because it was the first time that I had met him. I knew better.

Here it is, six months later and I told my husband that if I felt uncomfortable I was going to give him the signal and that we were leaving. I did not know how he would treat me, so I got ready for anything and everything. We rang the doorbell, and the homeowner opened the door and I see Mr. NAR, we make eye contact and the first words out of his mouth were “OH SHIT!” Everyone in the kitchen area just laughed and chuckled. First indication he was obviously talking about me, and probably not in a nice light.

I entered the kitchen and said hi to the people I knew, and then introduced myself to the people that I did not know, EVEN HIS FIANCE. YES, I was nice. I introduced myself and even shook their hands! After I said hello, I turned to Mr. NAR and said,

“I know we have met. I heard what you said and that was VERY nice of you.”  **BIG SMILE**”

You know when everyone says “You could cut the tension with a knife,” yeah it was like that. So I got a tour of the house [it was a housewarming party] and when I got back to the group I said how I was so happy to see everyone and that it was nice to be there. Although some people were more happier than others. Everyone just smiled, chuckled. I did not mention names, but someone came to his defense and said that Mr. NA just didn’t like anyone. I looked at him dead in the face and I circled my face and stated, “NO, he doesn’t like me because of this. There are some characteristics that I have that Mr. NAR just doesn’t like.” Of course, no one said anything, but they chuckled and laughed. Mr. NAR did not even come out to say anything. 

So the group separated, and all the people that I knew hung around with me and then the people that were not interested in getting to know me went with Mr. NAR to the other room. I was having a great time. I could heard the things that were being said in the other room. Something about one of our mutual friends, who made a very brave decision to do something to support her best friend. Mr. NAR was making mean comments about that. REALLY RUDE comments.

Finally during the night, Mr. NA left. There was a dramatic shift. The people that were not interested in getting to know me came over and asked me questions. They were very nice. Asked me where I was from, and they didn’t mean New York. I respect that, and I appreciate it. They asked me instead of just assuming. 

I asked some of my friends if anything was said about me before we got there. OF COURSE like I had known all along. Apparently right before I got there, they were just talking about me. Mr. NAR was just talking about how much he hated me. Who knows what he said and in my opinion, I do not care. My issue with him was more of the fact that he was RUDE. 

I had a discussion with a wonderful friend about this whole situation. She was right and I knew it, that there is racism, prejudice and discrimination everywhere you go. They are mostly opinions that people are raised to have about other people. OPINIONS. So, I know that I cannot change everyone to be on the same page as me. I also know that when they are raised to believe that anything but white is wrong, then hey! that’s up to you.

I KNOW that I cannot change the opinions that they have, BUT what I do expect is that they respect me!

You can hate the fact that I am Asian all you want.

BUT have the respect to treat me like a person.

I may be imagining things, but honestly after he left, everyone got along great and there was no separation. We all had fun singing, telling jokes, and talking about the past memories we have together. We met some new friends and hopefully we will get to see them again tomorrow for a birthday party! 

So overall, was I hurt by the way I was treated? NO, because I knew he hates me, but I was not ready for the RUDENESS. All I really hope is that his fiance washed her hands after she shook my hand. I mean who knows if he would even let her touch him after that!

Really though, would I have been offended by someone who called Martin Luther King Jr’s Birthday, “Dead N***** Day?” NOPE! 




Is nowhere safe?

For Christmas, my husband wanted a golf membership and how could I deny such a request.

He wanted one from Centennial Golf Course, so we went to utilize his benefits this past weekend. Let me tell you, we may live in Tennessee but it was still pretty cold; the weatherman was way off target! HAHA Although the weatherman was way off base, there were still a lot of people playing on the course.

I enjoy spending my day on the golf course with my husband, and although I am a horrible golfer, I think it is a fun sport to play. You’re probably wondering where I am going with this, believe me I am getting there. By the ninth hole, which let me tell you, was a HARD hole even for the greatest of players, I gave up on that hole.

I had to use the bathroom, so when we drove up to the green of that hole, I walked into the clubhouse and warm up. I was walking out of the clubhouse back down to the green of the ninth hole. I look out and there are two golf carts full of men standing by the door. I just ignore them and walk, I hear some laughing/snickering.

As I got about 50 feet from them, I hear a man shout “Alooooooooo-HA.” And they all start laughing. In that split second, I thought to myself, I had a choice, to ignore or to say something. I decided to say something.

I stopped, turned around and said REALLY loud for all to hear, “OH YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY?!?” Dead silence. “IT’S NOT FUNNY.” and I turned around and walked back down to my husband. Who of course thought that I was yelling at him.

I explained to him what happened and he just shook his head, and he knew I was upset. I was upset that even at a place where I find peace, I get gawked at and ridiculed.

I talked to him and we decided, that going forward, if anyone says anything about me in that manner. I will NOT tolerate it and I will not be nice anymore. I am used to be being blunt and honest and speaking my mind. I feel like I lost a piece of me when I moved down here, because I should be more patient and “nicer;” they call it “Southern Hospitality.”

There is nothing hospitable about the way these people treat me. The way they decided to approach me, the one that does not look like them, just does not have any class. Can’t they just speak it quietly among themselves if they have to?

So from this day forward, I am going to be the nasty Yankee that they perceive me as. I am going to get in their face and make them regret ever doing it again. Because obviously, the approach I am taking right now is not working.

Wish me luck on my endeavors!! Do you have any stories like this?