What is being a “Not Active” Racist?

Do you know what being a “Not Active” Racist is?

I didn’t know what this meant until just recently.  It was used to describe an incident that I had with a certain individual that is a racist, but apparently he is not an “active” racist. He does not speak his mind when he is in front of people that are not white, but he will speak trash and talk shit when they are not around. BTW do you know that this person is a government employee. Yeah, he is. 

So the back story. One of our friends was celebrating his birthday, so we were asked to meet with them for dinner at a restaurant. I knew nothing about this person. I was also told that he was racist, very racist. Well we got there, and I realize that he is very quiet and is not really responding to anything that I say. Now when you look at me, I am OBVIOUSLY Asian. When you hear me speak, I am OBVIOUSLY from “the North” or a Yankee as they would call me. Also you will know that I do not care to speak my mind or speak in hushed tones either. Regardless, after this meeting, I asked the friend if he doesn’t like me because I am Asian. And he said no and that it was just because it was the first time that I had met him. I knew better.

Here it is, six months later and I told my husband that if I felt uncomfortable I was going to give him the signal and that we were leaving. I did not know how he would treat me, so I got ready for anything and everything. We rang the doorbell, and the homeowner opened the door and I see Mr. NAR, we make eye contact and the first words out of his mouth were “OH SHIT!” Everyone in the kitchen area just laughed and chuckled. First indication he was obviously talking about me, and probably not in a nice light.

I entered the kitchen and said hi to the people I knew, and then introduced myself to the people that I did not know, EVEN HIS FIANCE. YES, I was nice. I introduced myself and even shook their hands! After I said hello, I turned to Mr. NAR and said,

“I know we have met. I heard what you said and that was VERY nice of you.”  **BIG SMILE**”

You know when everyone says “You could cut the tension with a knife,” yeah it was like that. So I got a tour of the house [it was a housewarming party] and when I got back to the group I said how I was so happy to see everyone and that it was nice to be there. Although some people were more happier than others. Everyone just smiled, chuckled. I did not mention names, but someone came to his defense and said that Mr. NA just didn’t like anyone. I looked at him dead in the face and I circled my face and stated, “NO, he doesn’t like me because of this. There are some characteristics that I have that Mr. NAR just doesn’t like.” Of course, no one said anything, but they chuckled and laughed. Mr. NAR did not even come out to say anything. 

So the group separated, and all the people that I knew hung around with me and then the people that were not interested in getting to know me went with Mr. NAR to the other room. I was having a great time. I could heard the things that were being said in the other room. Something about one of our mutual friends, who made a very brave decision to do something to support her best friend. Mr. NAR was making mean comments about that. REALLY RUDE comments.

Finally during the night, Mr. NA left. There was a dramatic shift. The people that were not interested in getting to know me came over and asked me questions. They were very nice. Asked me where I was from, and they didn’t mean New York. I respect that, and I appreciate it. They asked me instead of just assuming. 

I asked some of my friends if anything was said about me before we got there. OF COURSE like I had known all along. Apparently right before I got there, they were just talking about me. Mr. NAR was just talking about how much he hated me. Who knows what he said and in my opinion, I do not care. My issue with him was more of the fact that he was RUDE. 

I had a discussion with a wonderful friend about this whole situation. She was right and I knew it, that there is racism, prejudice and discrimination everywhere you go. They are mostly opinions that people are raised to have about other people. OPINIONS. So, I know that I cannot change everyone to be on the same page as me. I also know that when they are raised to believe that anything but white is wrong, then hey! that’s up to you.

I KNOW that I cannot change the opinions that they have, BUT what I do expect is that they respect me!

You can hate the fact that I am Asian all you want.

BUT have the respect to treat me like a person.

I may be imagining things, but honestly after he left, everyone got along great and there was no separation. We all had fun singing, telling jokes, and talking about the past memories we have together. We met some new friends and hopefully we will get to see them again tomorrow for a birthday party! 

So overall, was I hurt by the way I was treated? NO, because I knew he hates me, but I was not ready for the RUDENESS. All I really hope is that his fiance washed her hands after she shook my hand. I mean who knows if he would even let her touch him after that!

Really though, would I have been offended by someone who called Martin Luther King Jr’s Birthday, “Dead N***** Day?” NOPE! 




A “Working” Night to Remember

Last weekend on Oct 19th, I was able to be a part of a beautiful wedding celebration. My husband and I sold our season tickets to the Tennessee vs. South Carolina game [WE BEAT SC!!!! GO VOLS!] to celebrate the union between one of my greatest friends and my new friend! It was a beautiful ceremony and the reception was ROCKING!

My husband without fail was the LIFE OF THE PARTY!! I mean Gangnam Style Dancing, shirt ripping, Hulk Hogan impersonating, & twerking the bride for the photographers kind of party animal! LOL

I was told AT LEAST 10 times..

“THAT is yours!”

Yes, THAT big, white man is MY husband!

(The reception was held at the Green Building in Brooklyn, New  York. Not my friends, but a picture from the website!)

The music was great, the atmosphere was great because we were there celebrating with friends and when your husband is running around taking selfies with your friends, you cannot ask for a better night.

The memories were priceless.

The one memory that trumps all memories of memories was AFTER the wedding.

I was of course some of the few sober people at this shindig, I ALWAYS enjoy watching the crowd and seeing what happens, because, let’s be real, SOMEONE needs to be able to tell the stories after everyone is sober. lol My brother (one of the Best Men, SUCH a proud big sister!) was asking for our help, and when I mean our, I mean the sober ones!

A few of the guests were unable to drive their vehicles to the hotel that they were staying at, so he was asking for us to drive people to the hotel with their vehicles and basically shuttle, park and make sure they all made it back in one piece. How could I say no, these are my friends, and even if I did not know them I would still do it. So after an hour we finally got down to the one minivan to drive back to the Green Building so that we could finally depart to go home. This is where it gets very good!

We were waiting for one more designated driver to come down, but we also picked up another friend to thought they lost their phone. SO, let’s set the scene. Two guys come down, we send one back because we did not have anymore room. He goes back up, and then we have the one designated driver and our friend that lost his phone at the venue and wanted to go back to check. My cousin and his fiance in the back seat my brother driving, my husband sitting shotgun and me sitting behind my brother. We finally breathe a sigh of relief as the night is almost over.

We are cruising down the main road to get back to the venue when we get pulled over, BY A FORD FUSION/FOCUS. Our initial reaction is wondering if Best Man was speeding. We just wait to see what it is about.  A man with an NYPD badge around his neck comes around asks my brother to get out of the vehicle and takes him to the undercover car.

Out of nowhere 3 or 4 other officers with flashlights start shining the lights into the car, and then start opening the sliding doors and my husband is trying to look for the registration and the insurance in the glove compartment. Then a woman [which we found out later was the supervisor] NYPD officer comes over with a flashlight, turns off the van and then points the flashlight into our faces and just asks “What is your relationship to the driver?” She is talking to one of our friends that we picked up. He says he is a friend. She says “do you personally know him?” and he says, “yes.” Then she asks where this vehicle’s original destination is from. This is when I knew things were getting crazy.

I decided to speak, ” the Green Building.” What is the green building? “it’s a venue that you can rent out for a wedding. we are just trying to get back to our cars because we all drove cars for the people that could not drive and dropped them off at the hotel. The driver is the best man and he is also my brother.” He’s your brother? Where does he live? “Michigan” where do you live? “Tennessee” so if he is your brother then he would know where you live right? “yes” do you have ID? “Yes, can i have it please?” She takes my ID and then a few minutes later my brother gets back to the car, hands me my ID and I was like WHAT DID THEY SAY!

He said that the woman told those guys to pull us over because she said we looked very suspicious doing U Turns in front of the hotel. Picking people up and dropping people off and coming back a few times. My brother also said that they did not want to pull us over but their supervisor made them. She asked him, “Who is the woman sitting behind you?” He said my sister. “Where does she live?” Tennessee.

So of course a car full of Asians and one White guy dressed in our wedding best looked very suspicious dropping people off and picking people up from the hotel.  If they were really watching us, they would have noticed that we had dropped off three cars with people that were stumbling into the hotel and we made sure they checked in and then parked their cars. I mean obviously this was not the right car to get, because a block away from where they pulled us over was a minivan SURROUNDED by women in short short mini skirts, plastic heels, and no jackets on. I mean seriously!

Overall though, I must say this was a bonding moment for all of us, although it just frustrated us more because we were just trying to get home. We also were just trying to do the right thing, but we got interrogated instead! We can of course laugh about it now, and we still do because that was a first for all of us in the car. Also in the end we all just made it out of there without any other further issues.

The only part that makes me think more is, I did not think any of us looked like “working” girls/guys LOL but maybe I need to rethink my outfit choices?? HAHA

Congratulations to my friends on their marriage!

Thanks for the fun night!